It's interesting when inspiration hits me. All of what I feel flows through me like an effervescent liquid, bursting with energy and potential for more of the same. In those moments, though, my thoughts are in other language. What I'm feeling cannot be expressed in words. The stronger the inspiration, the harder it is to portray it. There are times when emotions are too great, too significant, too immaculate to be translated into words. And yet, people do it all the time. I don't understand it. I guess it's the perfectionist in me. I don't want to only be partially understood when I explain something. I want to be understood fully. And if I am not understood, I become frustrated at myself because I failed to make myself clear. But, alas. I do so love to write. I used to think that there was no point in writing something if it wasn't going to be read, but I don't believe that anymore. Just the experience is enough. Reading back over something I've read is always a weird experience because after I'm out of my zone, I don't recognize my writing as my own. Anyway. Movies inspire me. I don't watch very many of them, well, I guess that's comparative. I don't feel like I watch many. Music also inspires me, though I don;t consider myself an avid music listener. I think if you listen to it too much, it gets in the way of you making your own music. Don't get me wrong, I've never written a song in my life. Well, not a whole one, at least. But I mean the music of our lives. We get so caught up in the day to day that we forget to listen to it. Now, the realist in me is making a total joke of the romanticist in me right now, but that's the thing about thinking romantically. You don't care what anyone thinks. It's a 180 on realist perspective. I suffer from/enjoy both sides of the coin. At this moment I'm realizing that I've turned this blog into a diary. Whoops. Ok. Too late to turn around now.
I think I'm learning a lot this year. Nothing at all important, but all of it's really important at the same time and will affect the rest of my life. But isn't that anything? Everything changes everything, you know? Except for some things. Some things never change. But most do. I like people. Like, I can't stand people, but I really like them. I like them when they're not trying to impress anyone. I like people most when they only kind of like me. Is that weird? Like if they really like me I freak out. But those people that just kind of like me, those are my kind of people. It's weird. I'd rather like the people that really like me. That would make more sense, right? But no, if you really like me you have to act like you're not that impressed at all. That's the only way I'll really like you back. It's sad and twisted. I also really like a fixer-upper. By that I mean I like the people that most people think are damaged goods. They're not, but usually they think that they are. I don't set out to change them, because people don't really change. I just like to think that I can show them who they are, give them a different perspective. If I've learned something in the last year, it's that just because people make bad choices, it doesn't mean that they are a lower quality of human. Some people just need extra grace. Extra chances. And from my experience, those people are worth it. Because you have to put more time in. And when you put more time and love into something, the result is worth it. Because, obviously.
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