Pep Talk

And one last video that I am in love with. Applicable at any time under any circumstances.

This is the video I used for my speech analysis in AP Lang. Another Suli Breaks spoken word. I just like him and his ability to express his thoughts so much.

The Little Things

I am beginning to think that knowing how to be happy even when you're sad is one of the most important things in life. And you know, maybe life isn't actually about being successful at your career, making a bunch of money, or having a bunch of stuff. Maybe it's not about how many people remember your name when you die, but how many people benefitted from you being on the earth, even if they never even knew it and you never got recognized for it. Maybe it's about the little things. Maybe life is about being able to sleep in ten extra minutes when you bed feels like the best thing you've experienced in life. Maybe it's about that stranger who made your whole day by smiling at you in the hallway or the six year old that told you you're beautiful. The cute boy that picked up your pen when you dropped it. The way the wind swirled around you on the first warm day in weeks, swimming into your nostrils and pressing you in on all sides for tight hug. The moment someone surprises you by remembering something about you that you forgot you even told them. The kids playing outside that are laughing hysterically that toss you back into your childhood when everyday was a special occasion, worthy of waking up at the crack of dawn. The ice cream at lunch that changes your whole mood. A hug that lasts a little extra but not extra enough to go into that awkward-okay that is enough-stage. When a song plays that fits your emotions as if it was tailored for you. The rain falling from the sky, detoxifying the world around you. Spinning around in circles until you fall down. A warm drink on a cold day. The perfect shade of lipstick. When you hug someone and they just smell so good you have to stop yourself from just standing there and breathing them in. A thoughtful question from someone who cares about you. Playing with an animal that sees only the good in you. Opening up a hand written letter. Anonymously helping someone else out. Laughing until you're crying and in physical pain with no hope of stopping. Dancing alone to music that is only playing in your head. When someone opens your door. That feeling when you have sand or mud  or any foreign-textured material between your toes. The moment you're in the middle of a front flip and surrounded by nothing but air. The feeling of knowing you finished all your work. That feeling of taking off your pants after a long day of having legs. Stopping the microwave right before it beeps Finding money in your pocket you didn't remember leaving there. Receiving grace from someone when you're far from deserving it. At the end of the day, if you're happy, you can't really be unsuccessful. So look for the little things, appreciate them, thank God for orchestrating them.

Parents

I love this video and Suli Breaks so much. 

what even is this post though

It's interesting when inspiration hits me. All of what I feel flows through me like an effervescent liquid, bursting with energy and potential for more of the same. In those moments, though, my thoughts are in other language. What I'm feeling cannot be expressed in words. The stronger the inspiration, the harder it is to portray it. There are times when emotions are too great, too significant, too immaculate to be translated into words. And yet, people do it all the time. I don't understand it. I guess it's the perfectionist in me. I don't want to only be partially understood when I explain something. I want to be understood fully. And if I am not understood, I become frustrated at myself because I failed to make myself clear. But, alas. I do so love to write. I used to think that there was no point in writing something if it wasn't going to be read, but I don't believe that anymore. Just the experience is enough. Reading back over something I've read is always a weird experience because after I'm out of my zone, I don't recognize my writing as my own. Anyway. Movies inspire me. I don't watch very many of them, well, I guess that's comparative. I don't feel like I watch many. Music also inspires me, though I don;t consider myself an avid music listener. I think if you listen to it too much, it gets in the way of you making your own music. Don't get me wrong, I've never written a song in my life. Well, not a whole one, at least. But I mean the music of our lives. We get so caught up in the day to day that we forget to listen to it. Now, the realist in me is making a total joke of the romanticist in me right now, but that's the thing about thinking romantically. You don't care what anyone thinks. It's a 180 on realist perspective. I suffer from/enjoy both sides of the coin. At this moment I'm realizing that I've turned this blog into a diary. Whoops. Ok. Too late to turn around now.

I think I'm learning a lot this year. Nothing at all important, but all of it's really important at the same time and will affect the rest of my life. But isn't that anything? Everything changes everything, you know? Except for some things. Some things never change. But most do. I like people. Like, I can't stand people, but I really like them. I like them when they're not trying to impress anyone. I like people most when they only kind of like me. Is that weird? Like if they really like me I freak out. But those people that just kind of like me, those are my kind of people. It's weird. I'd rather like the people that really like me. That would make more sense, right? But no, if you really like me you have to act like you're not that impressed at all. That's the only way I'll really like you back. It's sad and twisted. I also really like a fixer-upper. By that I mean I like the people that most people think are damaged goods. They're not, but usually they think that they are. I don't set out to change them, because people don't really change. I just like to think that I can show them who they are, give them a different perspective. If I've learned something in the last year, it's that just because people make bad choices, it doesn't mean that they are a lower quality of human. Some people just need extra grace. Extra chances. And from my experience, those people are worth it. Because you have to put more time in. And when you put more time and love into something, the result is worth it. Because, obviously.

If Only Syndrome

Today I found something that I wrote awhile back. It was about a disease that I have now decided to call "If Only" Syndrome. Most have experienced it. It's the mindset that happiness is being held right outside of your reach. It's next point up on the ACT or the final that could bring your teetering grade up a letter. It's the missing point that would have won the game. It's the half second that you need to shed off your race time to make the state cut. It's the 10 pounds you know you'd look better without. It's the one more hour of sleep that you know would make you finally feel rested. It's the one more bite that you bet will make you full. It's that clothing item in the window that's just $15 beyond what you've got in your pocket. It's the relationship with a specific someone that you know will never be. It's the time that you totally freaked out and walked away, too scared to try. It's the approval from people you would desperately love to impress. It's the jumping and reaching for something just out of your grasp; but each time you touch it, you hit the ground and once again it's gone.
I think we live there too much. And as soon as we get what we've been wanting so desperately, we want something new because we realize what we have is not enough. So we get caught up in this vicious cycle of striving, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding, but always ending up discontent. I mean, look at Pinterest. It's a social media site used to declare to the world that what you already have is not enough. And until you realize that ultimate satisfaction and true joy cannot be found in what you know, what you accomplish, what you own, what you look like, or what people think of you, you will never be truly and completely happy. It takes more. It takes Jesus. Once you have Jesus, what you have doesn't have to be enough. You don't have to be enough. Because Jesus is, always has been, and always will be enough in your place. There's so much peace in that. I wish everyone could experience it. Because, obviously.

Broken Things and Bomb Threats

So, yesterday and today have been nothing but misadventures. We can start with yesterday morning.
I overslept, but it's not as if that doesn't happen most days. Thankfully, my trusty father was at hand to wake me. After my shower, I re-entered my room and managed to slam my head on the door frame. Contrary to what you may assume after having read that, I am only 5'5" and could not hit my head on the top of my door frame. No, no, I managed to bang it on the side of the door frame. How does one accomplish such a task? I could not tell you; I only know that it happened to me.
Upon preparing my things for swim practice, I realized I left my bag in the van after practice the night before. When I retrieved it, I came to find out that my previously soggy suit was now frozen solid. Wonderful. Most definitely a first time experience for me.
In second block at school, I grabbed a notebook from my desk, only to knock my phone off of the desk and onto the hard, unforgiving floor. Relieved to see that it had not acquired even a scratch, I placed it back in my purse. Psyche! I went to use it a few minutes later, and all that showed was a flickering black and blue screen. My heart sank.

The rubber seal on the eye cup of my goggles ripped at practice in the middle of a sprint set with tight intervals, meaning little rest. Because of this, I swam with blurry vision, burning eyes, and no time to stop and fix anything. I repeated the "positive paradigms" that have been drilled into my head during m Academy for Young Leaders meetings and my student leadership class, taught to me by the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. "I am strong. I am strong. I am strong," I chanted in my mind, but to no avail. More coughing and sputtering occurred than is socially acceptable.

Today was a completely separate misadventure altogether. Someone threatened to bomb our high school. As exhilarating as that seemed to be for the first eight minutes and forty-three seconds, it had grown incredibly old by the time three excruciatingly long, terribly cold, and hunger-pain filled hours had passed. Really though, one can only come up with so many conspiracy theories; I personally ran out after seventeen. Most disappointing of all, though, was that I couldn't tweet using #bombthreatthursday since my phone hadn't been replaced yet. As it turns out, there weren't even any bombs or suspicious packages! Bummer, am I right? Okay, I know I should be happy about that, but it was going to be one of the most exciting things to ever happen to me! Sad day.
I also found out that we have to get our team picture retaken for high school swimming because, as of this year, wearing swimsuits for a team picture is "indecent" and "offensive" and "inappropriate". I mean, just because we represent our school in front of hundreds in the same attire (or lack-thereof, I suppose), doesn't mean it's okay to have our picture taken in them. Because, obviously.